by Dr. Fletcher L. Tink, Academic Dean, Rescue College

When Jeremiah found himself in a cesspool abandoned by all, a court slave remembered him and organized a strategy to pull him out of his dismal condition.   The slave used ropes and rags as essential equipment---the ropes to hoist him up, and the rags to soften the impact so that he would not be bruised too badly.

Thanks to the kind hospitality of many Christians who want to help those displaced by hurricane Katrina by providing temporary housing, below are a series of suggestions on the “ropes and rags” that should be assembled before opening up your home:

“Ropes and Rags” of Home Hospitality

1.                  Determine if your home option is the most preferable.  Frankly, most home contexts are not going to be adaptable for people who would much prefer to be in their own home, have been seriously traumatized by recent events, and live under absolute insecurity about their future.   They will have need for privacy, for maintaining their personal freedoms, for organizing their own possessions rather than using borrowed ones.  If a church can pool its resources to outfit an apartment, this is probably the preferred option.

2.                   A second option of housing people within the church itself is possible but only if insurance and security issues for both the church property and the individuals themselves are resolved satisfactorily.  This placement arrangement should be very short term, perhaps while plans elsewhere are being worked out.

3.                   Priority should be given in any of these arrangements to persons who have affiliation with known Christian groups.  The primary purpose of providing housing is not evangelism but of Christian community care.  Only when those numbers are exhausted, then should others be considered.

4.                   If the home option is the only one available and workable, several considerations need to be evaluated:

§         Determine if your home allows for a family or individual to be housed comfortably there? What number of people can stay there comfortably?   Would it require that a family unit be broken up?  How disruptive will this be in your own family obligations and needs?  Are all your family members agreed that this is what your family ought to do?  If not, don’t!

What changes will this cause in the rhythms of family life? Is the family prepared for obvious and hidden costs (emotional, time, privacy) that will undoubtedly be demanded by the guest arrangement?

Recommendation:  Insist that family units not be broken up, and that the service is only for nuclear family units, especially if young infants are involved.  Other unexpected family members, friends and associated are not to be part of the arrangement.  Do not set up arrangements that will bring together potentially awkward sexual situations, i.e. a single young woman living with insecure married hosts; teenagers of the opposite sex, etc.

§         Acquire names of potential housemates from screened lists.  Remember that, as in all desperate communities, there are also the predators and unsavory individuals who prey on well-meaning churches and individuals.  Insist on clear documentation, or cross-referencing to determine who will be coming to your home. Know their background. Learn what the long-range desire of possible guests might be.  Do they want to relocate in your community?  Do they want to return to their home as soon as they are permitted?  Will you be seen as merely a transitional service or a place to land for resettlement?  

Recommendation:  Guest placement is more appropriate for those who intend to return as soon as possible to their homes

§         Determine ahead of time your legal liabilities, if your guests were to damage, malign properties or individuals.   Assure yourself that you are legally protected.   This becomes important also for your church and your denomination if they too are involved in the service, because they too can be sued. 

Recommendation: Only consider guest services if the legal arrangements allow for such. 

§         Decide ahead of time, how long you are willing to host housemates and what the “escape clause” is on both sides, for terminating the hosting relationship early should the arrangement not work out. 

Recommendation: Start with 30 days with the intention of alternative arrangements by the end of that cycle. Your offer of housing can be renewed if it is workable, necessary and mutually satisfying, for another 30 days.

§         Determine what the “start-up” arrangements are going to be.  How will the individual(s) get to your house?  Who will pay for the cost of transportation to your home?  What significant communication will be held before the party shows up? 

Recommendation:  Have the individuals needing housing assistance, visit a local church pastor of your denomination and be interviewed as your agent, to ask the questions and represent your interests ahead of time, i.e. do the screening.  Have the local church, if interested, help arrange the transportation services.   

§         Recognize that Southern culture and the various subcultures represented may be very different from your own, including preference of food, music, attitude towards order and cleanliness, topics of interest, lifestyles and habits.  Create a tentative document ahead of time that establishes “house norms” dealing with issues of private space, use of appliances, (i.e. the telephone, TV, etc.) shared tasks, mutual expectations, offered assistance for travel to “put life together” which may require your time driving your guests around. Discuss the tentative document ahead of time with the potential
guest(s) and negotiate mutually any adjustments.

Recommendation:  Let the potential guest know ahead of time that yours is a Christian home, with certain codes of conduct and commitment.  Indicate that your home is seen as a place of testimony in the community and that you do not wish to jeopardize this.  Ask in advance if the guest can adjust to these expectations and, if not, help them find other arrangements.

§         Be informed about the variety of additional support services there are in the community.  Start with the Red Cross at www.redcross.org and research local services that deal with mental and physical health, social services, disaster relief services, job assistance, insurance, educational options, etc.  Because all aspects of your guests’ lives have been put in jeopardy, you must become acquainted with the reservoir of services that may address particular problems and issues that your guests confront.

Recommendation:  Your knowledge and references can expedite the transition and help speed the process along so that your guests can either return to their desired situation or develop a plan of independent living.  Contact these places ahead of time and tell them that you are planning to host these individuals.  How can their services help you?  What should you be aware of, before entering into an obligation of service, according to their broader experience?

§         Determine your financial burden for hosting these new friends.  Who will pay for the extra food, gas and utilities?  Will your budget accommodate this?  Will your local church offer some support, supervision  and shared time with the guest(s)?  Who is going to help the guest(s) financially for phone calls, local travel, legal services, health care, etc.?

Recommendation:  Involve as possible your local church in your venture as a formal project, where the congregation can provide "compassionate ministry” funds and services for this, their special guest family.  Introduce your “extended church family” around to them so that they don’t feel isolated to just your family.  Have the church share tasks and serve as a “pressure valve” release if and when tensions arise.  Or alternatively, take them to the church of their preference or experience.

§         Give privacy, space and time alone to your new guests.  Allow them the freedom to be themselves, even if you feel awkward about it.  This may mean that they have to smoke outside on occasion, or participate in behaviors that you do not condone.  If there are other activities that irritate or violate your norms, have these been made clear up front?  A violation may have resulted from a misunderstanding or unclear prior directions and can be resolved by simple communication.  If not, then are you willing to risk the housing that you have offered or the comfort of the relationship, to confront them on it?  If the behaviors don’t change, then what is your response?  Do they understand clearly the consequences?  Because your guests will probably be at home for hours when you are gone, have you secured your valuables so that they won’t become an issue later?  What is their space, your space and mutual space?

Recommendation:  Make the boundaries clear. Don’t hover around trying forever to 
      good things for them. Don’t generate “Smother Love” which overwhelms with kindness
      and only produces a spirit of shame and violation.  They must be assisted through the
      crisis, not managed for life.  As such they must be allowed to make mistakes, form
      inferior choices, and determine their own self-interest.  If these issues threaten your
      family’s integrity, then calmly decide on alternative solutions for the living arrangements
      for your guests

§         Seek ways by which the guest family can offer “gifts” back to your family and others who might help them, in the form of manageable tasks around the house, work at the church, community service.  Their greatest asset will be time on their hands.  Their greatest danger will also be long hours of uselessness.

Recommendation: Suggest creative and positive ways of using that time, both for its therapeutic and personal value.  Tree-trimming, stuffing envelopes, story-telling, reading to the children, cooking meals, helping other displaced persons, etc.  Celebrate their gifts with considerable gestures of appreciation.

§         Offer a listening ear and nonjudgmental spirit. These are people who have seen and passed through incalculable pain, perhaps have lost everything, and continue to live in great uncertainty and confusion.  Their greatest need is to talk, weep and complain.  By housing them, you are inviting them to find in you their primary listener.  Listen attentively without prejudging their decisions, their speculations and their plans.

 Recommendation:  If their pain evidences pathological dimensions or delusional thinking, you may need to engage professional counseling services.  If not, have your friend(s) share their story with your congregation.  Encourage them to write it out for their children, because they have been a part of history that will be talked about for generations, or at least, record on tape their story.

§         Let your needs be known to your denomination.  You are not alone in your spirit of compassion and many denominations will be organizing formal assistance.  Others, less courageous or less provisioned than yourself, want to be a part of the recuperation of country and colleagues and so have engaged in offering a wide variety of resources, both informationally and materially.   Contact your church leaders or get on-line with Christian relief agencies where updated instructions and information may be helpful to you. 

Recommendation:  Hospitality is not just having someone in your home though that is a major commitment not available to all.  It is inviting persons into the core of your own soul, that special place in your heart where your own pain, joy and hopes lie.  Determine whether you are prepared to take that risk that may strip all pretenses, prejudices and motivations bare, and expose you to be the real follower of Jesus, not perfected, but in process.  Hosting desperate and different people may take you on that journey.  Their crisis shared in your home may open them up to profound conversations about the Christ who motivates you. Only choose to host, if you are open to the “stranger in the midst” who may just be an “angel unaware.”